eighteen [playlist]

[ shoegaze, britpop, dreampop ]

i never really talk about my first love.

in 2014, my best friend returned to school after summer vacation and told me about a new app she had downloaded— tinder— and how she had gone to the movies with a guy she had met on there. she sounded so adult, so scandalous. like she had come back from break having experienced some life-changing, coming-of-age summer, and all i had done was reblog shit on tumblr until 3 am each night.

i downloaded tinder later that night. immediately, i matched with him. tinder messages turn into snapchat photos, which turn into nightly skype calls. i asked him what his favorite song was. he pressed play and told me, “if you know this song, i love you.” an eerie, fuzzy, distorted tune started playing through the speakers— a type of music that i never quite heard before. “what song is this?” i asked. four words that changed my life.

this is how i discovered shoegaze.

this playlist is comprised of songs i listened to when i was 18 years old in my dorm room, and is heavily inspired by him. those autumn nights we spent talking all night is when i discovered slowdive, cocteau twins, my bloody valentine, lush. it awoke something in me, and i spent many long hours reading about the 80s/90s alt rock music scene in the UK and going down rabbit holes about britpop and band rivalries.

i wouldn’t be who i am without these bands that have defined my life at every stage. no one really knows how much this music has impacted my career, my personal choices, the cities i’ve lived in, everything about me. i don’t think i’d be sitting in this apartment in brooklyn right now if i had never heard the word “shoegaze.” this is the most nostalgic playlist of all.

to this day, i am a proud melody maker collector and have around 10 issues sitting in my apartment. they are so so incredible and the absolute best way to learn about this music scene. literally my prized possessions.i have plans to digitize all my copies so that i can post them on here for people to have access to and read as a PDF.